A Cowboy's Retribution
by Irvine Valentine
Summary: After The Second Sorceress war Irvine Kinneas is at odds with his new home of Balamb, can a act of supreme sacrifice and retribution save his reputation and his sorry behind?  Please review, still 'under construction'
1. Chapter 1: From Spells to Slaps

Ever since the second sorceress war Balamb had been on edge. Despite the truces between the neighbouring lands of Galbadia and Balamb everybody was still on edge. Commander Squall was still in charge of Balamb's operations and had decided to replant Balamb Garden as it was no longer needed to be mobile. They also had the guys from Fisherman's Horizon install professional missile defence systems so that should the unthinkable happen and anyone, not specifically Galbadia, targets Balamb again the expensive missile defence systems will divert the missiles safely into space where they'd detonate out of harms way.

Squall had put Rinoa in charge of peace keeping; the theory was that she should have some form of diplomatic advantage over the others being General Caraway's daughter. Also, as Squall liked to put it, she had some form of diplomacy when working for the Forest Owls.

Selphie was obviously in charge of entertainment and was convinced that with a new era deserved a new look and so her and several other students had decided to give Balamb Garden a face-lift. Fortunately Quistis had managed to talk Selphie down from her original ideas of go faster stripes and flames, easily swatting her sound argument that "They're called go faster stripes 'cos they make things go faster!"

"That's not true" was Quistis' response

"Sure it is," Selphie said, "Just look at Ragnarok!"

Quistis paused "What did you do to Ragnarok?"

Selphie stuck out her tongue and just said, "New era means new image" and with that Quistis ran down the hallways of Balamb Garden to find the mighty red spaceship. Except it was no longer red, it was yellow and covered in flowers with two stripes going down either side of the spaceship in pink and orange. Quistis, who had since been re-instated as an instructor almost had an aneurysm and it was all she could do to walk back to her dorm, flick the kettle on and sit down to mark papers with a cup of tea, thinking of the defiled Ragnarok no more.

Both Zell and Irvine had known about the new look that Ragnarok had acquired but both agreed to not say that they knew, lest they be asked or told to redo to paint job. Zell himself was also an instructor now, teaching advanced combat to those about to take their exams. Most of his students were glad to be taught by him, Zell didn't believe in written tests saying that "you can't write down what to do in a fight" whilst everyone knew it was really just because he hated marking. He did do one test once but Headmaster Cid frowned upon his methods so he decided no more tests until he devised a better way to test his students. The test in question involved getting his students to stand single file outside his office door, he would then call them in one at a time and when they least expected it he would jump from behind the door to attack them. In retrospect he could see why Headmaster Cid didn't think it was so brilliant.

Since the end of the war Irvine had been doing what he did best, nothing. Squall had petitioned him to train snipers but his response was "You can't train instinct man. Being a sniper isn't just a job it's a way of life." Squall had heard the entire rant a few times and eventually learnt to blank out after "You can't train instinct." The whole speech that Irvine gave put the Balamb film awards to shame. Eventually Squall won a minor battle with Irvine saying he'd moderate the exam. At first the instructor was infuriated and took it as a suggestion that he wasn't good enough to take an exam. Irvine however put that to rest when in the Training Area he shot a T-Rexasaur through the eyes at almost a mile off without his full attention. The instructor accepted that he would never be as good as Irvine.

Selphie had also become quite attached to Irvine as well as he to her since the realisation that they'd grown up together. The two of them had stuck together almost as much as Squall and Rinoa had, except Selphie and Irvine weren't a couple. Not as such anyway, they were dependent on each other as friends and they even shared an apartment space in the Garden which is usually only reserved for the Instructors, however neither of them had suggested a date. Obviously Irvine had made joking suggestions but they both knew he meant nothing by it, and if Selphie didn't already know that then making coffee for a different SeeD girl every morning soon got the point across.

Being a student from Galbadia people were still somewhat wary of Irvine. The thing is about war once the opposing side's commander was taken down it didn't necessarily mean that the war was over, and there had sprung up several factions throughout the world who were convinced that their way of life was the correct one.

The Galbadian Mission Front (GMF) were convinced that whilst the sorceress was evil Galbadia should still be in charge of the world and should be considered as the capital of the world.

The Trabian Justice Alliance (TJA) that believes that nobody paid the price for Trabia Garden's destruction and they are currently searching Galbadia for a scapegoat, there are some more extreme members that believe that the other Gardens weren't effected as much and therefore should be brought down to the same level as Trabia.

The Sorceress' Rights Committee (SRC) who are under the impression that if Rinoa can be a good sorceress that must mean all sorceresses are good and therefore they are just misunderstood and can become useful members of society, needless to say their followers were few and far between but enough to warrant an anachronism.

Everywhere Irvine went in Balamb he felt like he was being judged, like he would strike at any second without so much as a warning. As can be understood it wasn't doing his social life wonders but when he thought back to his time at Galbadia he couldn't help but smile, _It's nothing worse than a seriously pissed off ex-fling's rumours_.

Since he'd been in Balamb he'd spent a lot of his time in the quad and today was no different. The hustle and bustle of the garden had now become a soothing sound to him and many a day he'd spent lying on the bench with his cowboy hat over his face listening to the inane conversations of the students.

"Well I said to Jess I really did and she was like no way and I was like yeh seriously n she said what did she say n I was like nothing ya know"

The inane twittering of the pimple spotted teenage girl is how Irvine described it to the others when he'd finally dragged himself over to the cafeteria to save the guys a spot for when they all had lunch together.

"You say that Irvy but I have good money on making small talk with them tomorrow morning." Selphie said and Irvine laughed.

"Selphie babe you know I only have eyes for you," he glanced over to Quistis "and you of course Quisty," he nodded in the general direction of a group of girls "And them."

Zell looked shocked "How do you do it man?" he asked in exclamation "As soon as I get near a girl my hands get all clammy, it's lucky I wear gloves or I'd drop everything."

Rinoa laughed and Squall said "And that's the last thing we'd need you're a big enough klutz anyway."

Zell tuned bright red and turned to Irvine "What am I doing wrong man? You gotta help me."

"You can't train instinct man." Irvine started and Squall interjected

"Being a sniper isn't just a job it's a way of life." Everyone looked up at Squall "Oh I'm sorry Irvine is this a different speech, it just started the same as the last five or six dozen."

Everyone laughed and Selphie playfully punched Irvine in the arm "He's got your number there Irvy, just give Zell a hand."

Irvine sighed "OK Selph, but just for you ok" and he gave her a wink

"While you're on a roll Selph see if you can get him to teach a class on sniping for me."

"Nu-uh Squall," Irvine said "Not even for Selph…or Selph and Quistis…or Selph, Quistis and that group of girls over there."

"I don't want him to teach that badly." Quistis said

"Quisty how could you say that to me?" Irvine said playfully

"Quite easily" she replied returning to her meal

"So getting back to me" Zell said "Any helpful hints or tips?"

"Yeah, man up," Irvine said "Failing that I'll give you a few lessons try and pass down the Kinneas charm as best I can."

"Don't pass down the charm before we actually see it." Quistis said playfully

"Hey," Irvine started "If you want to see the charm I'll be more than happy to show you, my place around eight?"

"No I'm good thanks" She replied "I grew out of puppet shows when I passed my 10th birthday."

With that witty retort Irvine paused at a loss for words and turned to Zell "So when are you free next?"

"Not this period, not the period after but the period after that." He said racking his brains for his schedule.

"So in about three hours then" Squall said in a mocking tone to Zell

"Fair enough you'll find me on the bench in the quad with my hat on my face."

"How can you sleep so much Irvine?" Rinoa asked

"Up all night love," he winked at her "Up all night." Quistis, Selphie and Rinoa all sighed and Irvine said "But until then I bid you guys adieu I have things to do and places to see, try not to miss me too much." He kissed Selphie on the head as he passed her "We still on for a movie marathon tonight?"

"Sure," she replied "But remember you promised to help me with the festival sometime today."

"OK once I've spent some time with Zell but right now duty calls." He said and waved goodbye as he walked toward the pack of women he was previously talking about. The gang watched as he singled one out and apparently introduced himself, for seemingly no apparent reason the girl slapped him across the face and Irvine retreated to the table "OK Selph lets go do festival stuff," she smiled "Lesson one Zell, that will happen…get over it."

"What did you say to her?" He asked

"I merely introduced myself and asked her what her name was."

"And she hit you?" Zell said astounded and Irvine nodded holding his face.

"You know why don't you," Selphie said to Irvine who remained puzzled "I must have seen her in our apartment only three weeks ago, her name's Vanessa."

"I thought she looked familiar," he remarked "OK Zell that was a bad example but I'll see you in three hours. Later guys" The guys waved him a pleasant goodbye and Irvine walked with Selphie telling him all her plans.


	2. Chapter 2: From Empathy to Embarrassment

_Sorry for the delay but anyone who's ever been to university will know what a bastard it is trying to do the work and things that you enjoy (like this) but I would like to do this and any comments would be greatly received._

After a long and arduous two and a half hours along side with Selphie giving him every conceivable order there could be for the festival Irvine finally managed to escape to the quad to grab what he considered a well deserved thirty minutes of rest before Zell came up and tapped him on the shoulder.

"Ahh, my eager young apprentice" Irvine said "you ready to start with your first lesson?"

"I thought the slap was my first lesson,"

"OK lesson one man every lesson is lesson one, nothing is unimportant, learn it all!" Zell nodded as Irvine got up and put his arm over Zell's shoulder, "OK so what is it that you don't like about talking to women?"

Zell paused and thought "The embarrassment" was his response

"What embarrassment?" Irvine asked

"If she says no, in front of everyone, that'd be humiliating."

"Yeah it is." Irvine chuckled, but after a while you get over it

"I don't want to get over it after a while though man, I need help now" They were walking in the direction of Irvine and Selphie's apartment

"I was hoping you'd say that," Irvine said, "So I've set something up for you."

Zell looked dubious but nevertheless accepted "I asked for your help so I guess I should take it." He said resignedly

"Ata boy," Irvine said slapping Zell on the shoulder, "OK what you've got to do for this task is think up five really embarrassing sex questions or statements and you're going to say them or ask them."

"To you?" Zell looked around "Here?"

"No not here and not me, in my apartment with a girl, I'll wait outside."

"I'm not so sure about that man."

"Don't worry the girl is sworn to secrecy and it'll help with the embarrassment, trust me."

Zell took a deep breath as they finally arrived at Irvine's door "Tell me before I go in though," he started "Is she a hottie?"

"Totally," was Irvine's response.

Irvine unlocked the door and Zell closed his eyes as he entered. Once he was in he felt safe enough to open them again and he was standing face to face with Ma Dincht.

Zell turned to run "Nu-uh buddy" Irvine said, "You're staying here"

"It's OK Zell," Ma Dincht said "Irvine called and told me what was going on I'm just glad I can help."

The blood rushed from Zell's face as Irvine said "You're gonna be in here for a few hours and Ma Dincht is on orders to talk about nothing else," Ma Dincht nodded "she also has questions to ask you." He smiled and waved as he left, Zell grabbed him by the collar and pulled him so he was within whispering reach.

"You said she was a hottie." He whispered to Irvine through gritted teeth

"Have you tasted her Chocolate Fudge Cake? That alone makes her attractive to me." He laughed as he closed the door behind himself

"Bastard" Zell muttered and turned to his mother, "So Ma…" he trailed off, fortunately Ma Dincht had topics ready.

"So have you been having sex?" she asked

"Ma!!!" Zell said shocked

"Listen Zell we're stuck in here for several hours so we might as well get it over with."

Zell shook his head and sighed "Yeah I've been having sex."

Two hours later Irvine returned, he had planned on getting a nap on the bench in the quad but on his way he bumped into Selphie.

"You're meant to be helping Zell!" She screamed

"I am, this is more of a independent section, and I'll go back in two hours and see how he's doing."

Selphie nodded in understanding "Well until then you can help me" Irvine sighed but relented

"What are we doing now?"

"Well you're going to be constructing the staging area whilst you tell me what Zell's doing."

Irvine put his arm around Selphie and hugged her close in a loving friendly way while they walked to the Quad "So what do you want the stage to look like?"

"Better than last time, like a giant T that comes out into the crowd so the band can come into the crowd more."

"Ah yeah I've got ya, that's easy enough for me to piece together."

"So what's Zell doing?" Selphie asked as Irvine unfurled pieces of paper and started drawing away.

"His problem's embarrassment so I'm ridding him of it." He said

"How're you doing that?"

"Making him as embarrassed as possible. Do you want it above ground or on ground level?"

"Above ground at least 5ft up, and what you're getting him embarrassed …how?"

"I stuck him in a room with a woman and they have to talk about sex." He said very blasé about it

Selphie chuckled "Who's the woman?"

"His mother" he said with the same attitude

Selphie began to laugh and then it suddenly dawned on her and she shouted shocked "What!!! His mother?"

Irvine started chuckling "yeah, should be uncomfortable as hell!"

"He's not gona forgive you, you know that."

"He will when he picks up a girl thanks to me."

Selphie smiled, "So that's your trick? Pretty much an extreme of embarrassment then?"

Irvine nodded "That's how I managed it, except it wasn't my mum it was almost every girl in Galbadia turning me down before I got my confidence."

"There's was a point in your life when you didn't have confidence? Irvine Kinneas I'm outraged." Selphie said chuckling

Irvine smiled "There's a lot you don't know about me hun," he said winking at her "hopefully we've got enough time for you to find out all about me."

"Irvine Kinneas you're terrible." Selphie said and told him to get back to work. Once the two hours were up Irvine headed back to the apartment to see how things were going. Once he'd arrived he greeted the two prisoners and let Mrs Dincht out offering to take her home but she politely declined waving goodbye to Zell as she left.

"How was it?" Irvine asked

"That was the most uncomfortable two hours of my entire life." Irvine attempted to hold in a chuckle as Zell continued, "There are positions that you never want to hear about at all let alone from your mum." Irvine still found it hard to hold in his laugh "I'll never look at Alphabetti Spaghetti the same way again." Irvine couldn't help it he burst out in laughter. "It's not funny Irvine I've never been more embarrassed in my life!"

"So that was more embarrassing than going up to any girl and getting shot down?" Zell paused and Irvine watched as the light suddenly turned on behind Zell's eyes "you understand now?"

"You dirty bastard!!" He shouted

"Didn't it help?" Irvine enquired

Zell thought and eventually resignedly said, "Yeah I guess so."

Irvine smiled "But don't go off looking for women yet that's only one lesson of many." He said putting his arm around Zell and walking him back to the cafeteria "Now let's get you a drink and burn that two hours from your memory."

Zell smiled "You're paying for the drinks, I've already paid my dues today!"

Irvine chuckled and pulled out his phone sending a message to the others seeing if they wanted a drink too.


	3. Chapter 3: From Favours to Foes

_OK here's chapter three, those who read this regularly will be pleased to know that I'm back on track, with no university work until I start again on the 19__th__ of Sept so things should get pretty regular around here. Thanks for reading to those guys that do read it! Jaunty is such a good word don't you think_

The guys all met up in the cafeteria for a drink. Whilst it was a school Balamb Garden's Instructors had certain advantages including the ability to drink on campus. Even though Irvine wasn't an instructor it was well known that he wasn't a student either and Headmaster Cid had granted him the privileges that the Instructors had, as a reward for defeating sorceress. In a way Cid had also hoped that Irvine would stay and teach a few things. Whilst Squall had given up on this idea, knowing what Irvine was like as a person, Rinoa had other plans for Irvine.

Squall had been run hectic since the war had ended, mostly with paperwork the part of wars that people always forget about. Whilst he accepted this responsibility there were still a few things that he couldn't quite handle without Headmaster Cid who had been taking a lot of time of recently to spend with his wife. It made a lot of sense when Squall thought about it but he still hoped he could get a little bit of help from the guy. Especially since the sniper teacher had left to go back to Trabia Garden. Again Squall understood that a person has to help his friends through their tough time.

Whilst they were drinking the topic of choice was clearly Zell's uncomfortable situation with his mother, fortunately Zell found it amusing as well even though he would occasionally throw a "bastard" in Irvine's direction. A comment which had the habit of making the others laugh at the two of them. After the first drink Irvine stood up and announced that this round was on him too. He collected everybody's orders and headed off to the bar.

"I'll join you." Rinoa said getting up and following him

"Afraid you'll miss me hunny?" he said to her as they walked

"No I need a favour," she said to him "Well actually Squall needs a favour but he's too, what's the word?"

"Stubborn to ask for it?" He said mockingly

"Yeah I think that was actually the word I was looking for." Rinoa said chuckling

"So what does Squall want?" Irvine asked "Does he need someone to keep you company on those long nights whilst he's at work?"

"No," she chuckled "As you know the sniper teacher left us to go back to Trabia, to help out up there."

"You want me to be the new instructor?"

"Yeah," She said "Could you? It'd mean a lot to me and it would help him a lot."

"I dunno," He said "Instructing isn't for me, I don't test well let alone give tests. Besides I don't actually have any qualifications for me to be able to teach."

"You could be a different kind of instructor ya know you could be a cool kind," she looked up at him with puppy eyes as he paid for their drinks "Puh-Leeze!"

"Two Weeks," He said "I'll do it for two weeks but you'd better find a replacement after that."

"OK I promise," she said picking up the drinks and walking back to the table "Hunny good news Irvy's gona stand in for Travis until we find a new sniper teacher."

"I'm standing in for two weeks not forever don't try and sweeten me up by calling me Irvy!"

"Aww but Irvy sounds so sweet." Selphie said punching him on the arm

"Ouch," he joked "it's not like I have anything else to do besides there's the chance that a few of the female students would be interested in bumping up their grades."

"I highly doubt that" Squall said "All your class are guys!" With that Irvine's face dropped and the gang laughed

"You're joking right!" He said with a worry in his voice

"Yeah I'm joking you'll be pleased to know there are a few girls in your class."

"Don't do that to me man you almost gave me a heart attack!" He stood up and quickly finished his drink.

"Where are you going?" Selphie asked

"I'd better get things started for tomorrow if I'm gona teach these kids how to be a good sniper!"

As he left Selphie turned to the others "Wow can you believe he's actually getting into the spirit of things?"

"You sound surprised." Quistis said

"Aren't you?" Selphie asked "He spends most of his time goofing of, endlessly protests about becoming an instructor. In fact I'm not sure what's more surprising that or that you're not surprised Quisty."

Quistis paused "You know what you're right I should be more shocked!"

Whilst they were laughing Irvine was busy in the sniper section of the Training Area setting up the area for the next day's test. He smiled to himself whilst he hummed a jaunty tune; they were going to get a nasty shock in the morning with his pop quiz.

As the students approached their classroom Irvine could hear their happy chatter as he sat on the chair with his feet up on the desk and his hat covering his eyes, as soon as his first student walked in through the door he threw a playing card in the air and shot it three times through the centre. The class stood shocked.

"No more bunking off class now guys, after three weeks you now have a substitute to kick you into shape! First thing's first we're catching up on three weeks worth of lessons down to the training area with your Rifles and we'll see how good you are."

As they slumped off to their dorms with huffs and moans, some people obviously feeling a sense of resentment or fear Irvine travelled down to the Training Area when he saw a familiar face at the directory.

"Scott?" He shouted across at the man

"Kinneas you old dog what the bloody hell are you doing here?"

Irvine embraced the man in a hug "I live here now, after the war and stuff I've been well, adding a few of the Balamb chicks to my list." Scott chuckled and Irvine asked "So what are you doing here?"

"I have business with your headmaster as it happens, I can't find him on the map though."

"Oh he's not here Commander Squall's upstairs though." As they were catching up Selphie came running around the corner "Ahh talking of Balamb strumpets here's one now!" he said mockingly to Selphie who punched him in the arm "Kent this is Selphie Tilmett, Selphie meet Scott Kent. We were at Galbadia together."

"Really?" She asked "What brings you down this way?"

"I'm here to see whoever's in charge but I'm kind of lost."

"Seph, you're free now aren't you could you drag him up to see Squall it's just I've got this damned class to teach."

Selphie chuckled "Sure hunny, come with me Scott."

"You take care of him the way you take care of me pet and we'll all meet up for a drink later, sound good?"

"Sounds awesome," Scott said "See you in a bit then."

As they made their way to the elevator Selphie opened it up and Scott let her in first and waited for her to press the button for three-deck before she asked "So what are you here to see Squall for?" while looking out the window.

"I'm here to negotiate Balamb laying down arms and becoming an extended part of Galbadia under the rule of the GMF." Selphie paused as this twigged and turned around to see him pointing a gun at her face. "Now be a doll and put those nasty little weapons on the floor and I'm sure we'll get on just perfectly."

"So by negotiate you mean"

"I mean force," he said checking his voice "and in about ten minutes the whole garden will be swarming with GMF teams."

The door beeped open and Scott shot the first guard in the knee-cap and ordered the others to get on the floor and through their weapons in the lift. Suddenly a light went off signalling an intrusion. Squall came running out to a face full of a gun.

"Commander Squall I am commandeering this school. Or I can shoot this pretty lady in the face." He suddenly swung around and shot at the wall behind him "Why don't you come up and say hello pet?" Rinoa emerged from behind a table "I'm no Kinneas Commander next time I try to miss I could end up hitting her." Squall laid down his gunblade and kicked it into the lift which beeped down, seconds later more GMF soldiers came up in the lift.

"I don't need to tell you that things are in our control now and that I expect Balamb to comply with our orders and other countries to see Balamb as an example."

When the alarm went off Irvine automatically snapped to, several minutes later he heard over the Tannoy ::Ding Dong:: "Ladies and Gentlemen," Came Scott's voice "Do not resist GMF has taken over the building, thank you very much" ::Ding Dong::

Irvine ran outside to his students running from a group of GMF soldiers Irvine shot three of them through the head and one of his students got three shots in too. Irvine turned to face them.

"Those of you not wanting to fight give me your weapons your ammo and run to the secret area in the training area those of you ready to fight arm up and get ready for your pop quiz."

A few of them ran, not feeling comfortable with their skills whilst a number of them loaded and cocked their weapons.

Irvine checked his weapons and turned to address his students "Let's get to work."


End file.
